For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
