he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
