pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
