my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Please don't give away my fajitas
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
