i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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