i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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