i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
