I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
did i just pee glitter
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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