They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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