sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dicks are not precious.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
