and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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