You made me cry and you don't even care
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
