What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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