people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
