D3 body, D1 cock
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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