After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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