Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
