I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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