and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
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Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
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I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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