Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
