Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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