tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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