Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
