Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
