Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
