we have officially lost it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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