Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
