wat bout pragnant strippers??
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
