I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
