what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
