Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
