yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
