Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize