went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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