God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
