Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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