i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Sponge bath it is.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize