I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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