Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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