I will die if light touches me.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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