So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
