There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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