false alarm. still invincible.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
