the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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