Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
