you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
