I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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