I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
