the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
