The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
