Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
