R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
