he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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