I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
