Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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