yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
