I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Randomize
