You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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