No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
