I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
50% drunk capacity currently
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize