Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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