i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
