the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
