life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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