Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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