How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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