I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
