I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
