Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
