I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
