i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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