The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We are two peas in an std pod
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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