the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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