Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
