Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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