If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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