Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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